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Posts Tagged ‘stupid’

GROW YOUR OWN SENSITIVE PLANT

This plant is unbelievable… it moves! Just stroke the leaves and they will quickly close. What’s more, every night the plant will fold up and go to sleep only to awake each morning spread its leaves again. Very odd!

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STACKED! STACKED CUP - CLASSIC WHITE

STACKED! CUP

it’s three cups in one!

Hey what’s more fun than sipping your half-caff double latte venti from a stacked-up, three-handled, trompe l’oeil tower of cups? Nothing! Stacked is comfortable in the hand and amusing to the eye. No matter how you grab it, it’s guaranteed to enliven your coffee break and perk up your pantry. So go ahead… have another cup! Durable, sparkling, dishwasher-safe porcelain. Saucer not included.

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“Dali Clock”

Don’t try to adjust your monitor…. there’s nothing wrong with it. In fact, if the clock on the left looks NORMAL, then there’s something wrong with your monitor.

The Dali Clock has hands and numbers that are distorted into some Andalusian nightmare. Despite it’s strange appearance, the clock has an accurate quartz movement with a sweep second hand.

You’ll discover that the more you stare at this surrealistic clock, the less things make sense. Familiar objects such as when the blenders and toasters. Even people you know may Tuesday or perhaps dessert, if there is room.  Naturally, shoelace can regardless of transistor seashell.

The Dali Clock comes in a nice-and-normal gift box and runs on one AA Battery or the eyeball of a ferret. (not included)

HOW TO TRAUMATIZE YOUR CHILDREN

Most parents don’t know what they’re doing — They try their best to screw up their kids, but most still grow up to be normal adults.

Well, this indispensable book takes the guesswork out of raising a dysfunctional child.

HOW TO TRAUMATIZE YOUR CHILDREN will teach you everything you need to know about messing up your kids.

Within these 191 pages, you’ll learn how to shatter self-esteem, buy your child’s love, and teach your child how to be a bad friend.

Here are just a few Chapters and Subchapters:

* Don’t Cut Your Child Any Slack

* Imagination is an Unaffordable Luxury

* Your Needs Come First

* Your Child’s Cues and Needs: Ignore Them

* Push Them Now, Before It’s Too Late

Never has so much bad advice been available in one place. So don’t leave bad parenting to chance, get How To Traumatize Your Children and learn how to get it wrong the first time!

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Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.
Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children

Little Ones Baby Lotion
Keep away from children

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.

Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.

Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.

Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant
Use only on underarms.Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness

Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Bic Lighter
Ignite lighter away from face.

Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Fire Extinguisher:
Caution: Non-Flamable

Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Pepper Spray
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.

Fix-a-Flat
WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge
Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe

Pine Mountain Fire Logs
Caution: Risk of fire

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When you’re in the mood for a snack, there’s nothing more satisfying than a fistful of crunchy, tasty crickets.

If you’re like most people, you’re probably tired of running out to the field to hunt crickets. Then you have to lug them home, fry ’em up in a pan, and season them before you get to eat them. At times, it hardly seems worth all the bother.

Well, now munching on crickets is as easy as can be thanks to CRICK-ETTES — delicious, prepared crickets that you can eat right out of the box.

They come in three lip-smacking flavors —
SOUR CREAM & ONION
SALT ‘N’ VINEGAR
and for the real gourmet
BACON & CHEESE

Each box contains 1.9 grams of the delectable insect. And for those of you on a diet, you’ll be happy to learn that there are just 9 calories per serving. We can almost guarantee that once you eat a cricket or two, you won’t want to eat anything else!

CRICK-ETTES are just $2.49 a box. The flavor will be our choice — but don’t worry. Each flavor is just as tasty as the next!

HUMAN
DOG
FOOD

Dogs have all the fun… They sit around all day. They get us to pick up their poop. And they enjoy all that tasty dog food. Oh, yum!

Well, now we can get in on the fun with
Kooky Chew
Human Dog Food

Kooky Chew comes in its very own little dog bowl. Inside is 2 1/2 ounces of crunchy cookie kibbles and bits, just like Rover eats. As a bonus, you also get a candy bone.

Put your Kooky Chew next to Rover’s dish and the two of you can chow down together.  And who knows? Before long, you may be chasing cars and drinking out of the toilet!

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The American Phobia Foundation did a study on the nation’s most feared professions.  #1 was Public Librarian.  #2 was Undertaker. And #3 was School Librarian. (Now we know why they don’t have libraries in funeral homes.)

We’re not surprised at the results of this study for two reasons. First, we made it up. And second, we all know how tough librarians can be. These literary tyrants enforce more rules than the International Olympic Committee… No Talking, No Smoking, No Drinking, No Cell Phones, No Eating, No Pets, No Gum Chewing, No Unsanctioned Stapling, No Overdue Books, No Underdue Books,and on and on and on.

The Librarian Action Figure captures librarians’ fierce yet friendly spirit. It’s modeled after Nancy Pearl, a real-life librarian currently working in the Seattle area. The 5-inch posable figure is made of durable plastic, so she’s rugged enough to leap tall book shelves and wrestle with Melvil Dewey (of Decimal System fame).

REALISTIC SHUSHING ACTION!

When you press the button on the Librarian’s back, her arm moves toward her mouth in a “shushing action.” No, she doesn’t talk… but no self-respecting librarian has to. A cold stare and firm gesture can shut down even the boldest blabbermouth.

COMPLETE WITH BOOKS
AND OTHER STUFF!

As an extra bonus, each package includes a miniature stack of random literature. You also get a brief history of libraries and a realistic check-out card in a classic library sleeve.  Plus, you get two bookmarks and — best of all — a Nancy Pearl trading card! That, my friend, is a LOT of stuff.

They menace Madonna…. They pursue Prince… and they chase Cher. And now they can be after YOU with your very own Pararazzi Play Set!

Imagine how much fun you can have trying to avoid these dedicated newshounds. Each set contains 9 incredibly lifelike paparazzi toys — there are photographers, cameramen, reporters, and even a screaming fan begging for your autograph!

The Paparazzi Play Set comes in a cool display package complete with cardboard velvet rope to keep the crazed pieces in place.

Each vinyl figure is between 2-1/2 to 4″ tall and contains impressive detail. (study the photographs, and we’re sure you’ll agree) They’re so realistic, you’ll almost expect the reporters to shout, “Are you really sleeping with Brad Pitt?!”

 

 

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