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Archive for the ‘funny’ Category

Liquid Plummer
Warning: Do not reuse the bottle to store beverages.

Windex
Do not spray in eyes.

Toilet Plunger
Caution: Do not use near power lines.

Dremel Electric Rotary Tool
This product not intended for use as a dental drill.

Arm & Hammer Scoopable Cat Litter
Safe to use around pets.
Bowl Fresh
Safe to use around pets and children, although it is not recommended that either be permitted to drink from toilet.

Endust Duster
This product is not defined as flammable by the Consumer Products Safety Commision Regulations. However, this product can be ignited under certain circumstances.

Baby Oil
Keep out of reach of children

Little Ones Baby Lotion
Keep away from children

Hair Coloring
Do not use as an ice cream topping.

Wet-Nap
Directions: Tear open packet and use.

Dial Soap
Directions: Use like regular soap.

Stridex Foaming Face Wash
May contain foam.

Hairdryer:
Do not use while taking a shower.

Old Spice Red Zone Deoderant
Use only on underarms.Zantac 75
Do not take if allergic to zantac.

Sleeping Pills
Warning: May cause Drowsiness

Christmas Lights
Warning: For indoor or outdoor use only.

Bic Lighter
Ignite lighter away from face.

Komatsu Floodlight
This floodlight is capable of illuminating large areas, even in the dark

Fire Extinguisher:
Caution: Non-Flamable

Earplugs
These ear plugs are nontoxic, but may interfere with breathing if caught in windpipe

Mattress
Warning: Do not attempt to swallow

Matches
Caution: Contents may catch fire.

Pepper Spray
Caution: Never aim spray at your own eyes.

Auto-Shade Widnshield Visor
Warning: Do not drive with sunshade in place. Remove from windshield before starting ignition.

Fix-a-Flat
WARNING: Do not weld can to rim.

Rain Gauge
Suitable for outdoor use.

RCA Television Remote Control
Not Dishwasher Safe

Pine Mountain Fire Logs
Caution: Risk of fire

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When you’re in the mood for a snack, there’s nothing more satisfying than a fistful of crunchy, tasty crickets.

If you’re like most people, you’re probably tired of running out to the field to hunt crickets. Then you have to lug them home, fry ’em up in a pan, and season them before you get to eat them. At times, it hardly seems worth all the bother.

Well, now munching on crickets is as easy as can be thanks to CRICK-ETTES — delicious, prepared crickets that you can eat right out of the box.

They come in three lip-smacking flavors —
SOUR CREAM & ONION
SALT ‘N’ VINEGAR
and for the real gourmet
BACON & CHEESE

Each box contains 1.9 grams of the delectable insect. And for those of you on a diet, you’ll be happy to learn that there are just 9 calories per serving. We can almost guarantee that once you eat a cricket or two, you won’t want to eat anything else!

CRICK-ETTES are just $2.49 a box. The flavor will be our choice — but don’t worry. Each flavor is just as tasty as the next!

HUMAN
DOG
FOOD

Dogs have all the fun… They sit around all day. They get us to pick up their poop. And they enjoy all that tasty dog food. Oh, yum!

Well, now we can get in on the fun with
Kooky Chew
Human Dog Food

Kooky Chew comes in its very own little dog bowl. Inside is 2 1/2 ounces of crunchy cookie kibbles and bits, just like Rover eats. As a bonus, you also get a candy bone.

Put your Kooky Chew next to Rover’s dish and the two of you can chow down together.  And who knows? Before long, you may be chasing cars and drinking out of the toilet!

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Vera De` Milo Workout

Vera De Milo in Veracosa

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Fire Marshall Bill In Space

“Lets say you’re sleep walking one night, and you’re dreaming Darth Vader just told you he’s your father. Naturally you are completely suicidal and you programed the computer to start the final countdown… self distruct in 30 secs” -Jim Carrey-

Fire Marshall Bill At The Hospital

Safety Tips With Fire Marshall Bill

Hope you enjoyed it! Also search for Vera De Milo in the search box at the right panel.. It is also HILARIOUS!

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The American Phobia Foundation did a study on the nation’s most feared professions.  #1 was Public Librarian.  #2 was Undertaker. And #3 was School Librarian. (Now we know why they don’t have libraries in funeral homes.)

We’re not surprised at the results of this study for two reasons. First, we made it up. And second, we all know how tough librarians can be. These literary tyrants enforce more rules than the International Olympic Committee… No Talking, No Smoking, No Drinking, No Cell Phones, No Eating, No Pets, No Gum Chewing, No Unsanctioned Stapling, No Overdue Books, No Underdue Books,and on and on and on.

The Librarian Action Figure captures librarians’ fierce yet friendly spirit. It’s modeled after Nancy Pearl, a real-life librarian currently working in the Seattle area. The 5-inch posable figure is made of durable plastic, so she’s rugged enough to leap tall book shelves and wrestle with Melvil Dewey (of Decimal System fame).

REALISTIC SHUSHING ACTION!

When you press the button on the Librarian’s back, her arm moves toward her mouth in a “shushing action.” No, she doesn’t talk… but no self-respecting librarian has to. A cold stare and firm gesture can shut down even the boldest blabbermouth.

COMPLETE WITH BOOKS
AND OTHER STUFF!

As an extra bonus, each package includes a miniature stack of random literature. You also get a brief history of libraries and a realistic check-out card in a classic library sleeve.  Plus, you get two bookmarks and — best of all — a Nancy Pearl trading card! That, my friend, is a LOT of stuff.

They menace Madonna…. They pursue Prince… and they chase Cher. And now they can be after YOU with your very own Pararazzi Play Set!

Imagine how much fun you can have trying to avoid these dedicated newshounds. Each set contains 9 incredibly lifelike paparazzi toys — there are photographers, cameramen, reporters, and even a screaming fan begging for your autograph!

The Paparazzi Play Set comes in a cool display package complete with cardboard velvet rope to keep the crazed pieces in place.

Each vinyl figure is between 2-1/2 to 4″ tall and contains impressive detail. (study the photographs, and we’re sure you’ll agree) They’re so realistic, you’ll almost expect the reporters to shout, “Are you really sleeping with Brad Pitt?!”

 

 

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Do you wash your hands over 8 times a day? Do you worry every hour that you’ve left your keys in the door? Do you fight urges to pick lint off co-workers’ sweaters? If someone within 100 yards of you coughs, do you feel the need to take a hot shower with antibacterial soap?

If you suffer from any signs of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, then meet your new best friend. 

The Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure is probably the world’s cleanest toy. This fellow is obsessed with keeping disease bearing germs and organisms away.

When he’s not cowering, the Obsessive Compulsive Action Figure stands 5-1/4″ tall. To help re-enact all his hygienic fantasies, he wears protective gloves and comes with a little surgical mask. He even has a special Obsessive-Compulsive Sanitary Hypoallergenic Moist Towelette so you can disinfect him when you’re done playing.

Think of the hours of fun you’ll have playing such games as “Spin the Lysol” and “Hide and Keep Hiding.” But PLEASE wash your hands before you play with him. Otherwise he won’t want to come out of the package. 

Ever show up to work or school, only to find you left your brain at home? Don’t feel bad… happens to all of us.

But now you can have a brain that follows you to work! Yes, it’s the
somewhat-fabulous
WALKING BRAIN!

Wind this little fella up, and watch him stroll across your table. And when the boss asks if you left your brains at home, you can hold him up and say NO!

You’re gonna lobe it!

 

 

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This is not just a toy. It is a metaphor. (kids, look it up) It seems we spend all our days hopelessly trying to make progress, only to find ourselves right back where we started.  Sigh.

But you didn’t come here to be depressed… you came here to look at stupid toys. So forget what we said about the futility of human existence and check this out…

The Wheel Runner is a little mechanical Hamster who scurries inside a running wheel. As the battery-powered critter tries to run, the wheel spins under him so he can never progress very far.    

It’s really cute, and will make you smile. (Until you’re reminded how the pathetic hamster mirrors your own frustrating life. And then it stops being cute, and becomes a cruel joke on us all.)

This is a toy for someone who thinks small. Most people dream of one day owning a mansion. Less ambitious folks may hope for a nice house, or perhaps even an apartment.
But it takes a total UNDERACHIEVER to fantasize about owning a HUT.

BUILD YOUR OWN HUT

From the Orient comes this delightfully weird toy. It’s a small plastic hut inside a colorful box. (The colors and graphics must not have changed since the 1950s.) 

When you take the lid off the hut, you are in for a wonderful surprise. It is packed… and we mean packed FULL… with everything you need to make your hut the impoverished wonderland you’ve always dreamed about.

You get pigs, ducks, cows, geese, rabbits, fences,and even some lowly peasants to keep you company in your humble hut. There are over 25 pieces to this thing. And everything is really small — check out the photo with the dollar to get an idea.

It’s a delightfully odd toy from a far away place and a far away time. So lower your sights and get yourself a hut today!

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